Adulthood Do Not Recommend - Adulting T Shirt
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Adulthood Do Not Recommend - Adulting T Shirt
Signed up at eighteen. The first month was fine: a futon, a part-time job, a fridge holding three condiments and a lemon. Then came car insurance that rises for no stated reason, a dentist who sends a reminder about the reminder, and a water heater that waited for the week after payday. There is now a fee for receiving the bill on paper. The wearer has been a customer for over a decade, has never located the cancel button, and keeps every receipt in a kitchen drawer that no longer closes. This is the review, filed on behalf of the billions of other customers enrolled at birth and still on hold. Final rating: one star, because the form would not accept zero.
THE FINE PRINT
ADULTHOOD arched across the top in distressed collegiate block letters. One gold star, four empty ones. A typewriter review: worked fine for about a month... then the bills started coming in forever! An outlined thumbs-down, DO NOT RECOMMEND in tall block capitals, and along the bottom, VERIFIED BY 6,269,372,561 (+/- 3%) REVIEWS.
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ASKING FOR A FRIEND
Why is adulthood so hard?
Mostly because the responsibilities arrive together and renew on their own: rent, insurance, appointments, repairs, each with a due date. Nothing finishes; it just bills again next month. The second water heater is when most people file a review.
When does adulthood start?
Legally at 18 in the US and most countries, though the brain keeps developing into the mid-twenties. In practice it starts with the first bill that has the wearer's name on it. The review covers the month after that.
Why is adulting so expensive?
Because costs that used to be invisible turn into line items: rent, groceries, deductibles, and the fee for paying online. Very little on the list is optional. One star was awarded after reading the list twice.
